Primrose Road

I've written before about how PublishAmerica takes advantage of teenage writers, but here's another good example that arrived in my inbox this morning: a 14-year-old writer in Syracuse, New York found a story he'd written when he was 10 years old, revised it a bit, and after submitting it to several publishers, had his work "accepted" by PublishAmerica. The 58-page softcover book is selling for $17.

The envelope was what first tipped me off: a return address from an organization called "Colleges in New York" located in Little Falls, New Jersey, with a message reading "Ever dream of earning a million dollars? Check out your personalized website inside."

Enclosed is a questionnaire that informs me that "according to the US Department of Labor, those who have a bachelor's degree earn about one million dollars throughout their careers than those who only have their high school diplomas."

(Quick statement unpack: If you work from age 22-62 at $25,000/year, you earn one million dollars throughout your career. If you work the same 40 years at $50,000/year, you earned one million more dollars throughout your career.)

The "questionnaire" never identifies itself as what it is (most likely a request for information from an unaccredited college program). only asking questions like the following:

Are you satisfied with your employment?
- Totally satisfied with employment situation
- Currently considering a job change
- Need more income, greater challenge, etc.
- Other

They also invite me to fill out the questionnaire on the web via a "personallized website," which turns out to be just a form with my name and address filled out, asking for my phone number and the best time to call. At the top, they tell me that they "look forward to helping [me] identify educational programs that will improve your earning power and enhance your long-term employment skills." The website http://www.collegesofny4you.com (without the extra info for my "personalized site") produces a 404 error. Further, I can't determine what institution the site is affiliated with because I cannot get past the "personalized" page without submitting my phone number.

Neither the site nor the questionnaire offers any identifying information, which I am fairly sure is not permissible in most states. A WhoIs search offers little more because the domain name was registered by proxy. And the return address on the envelope happens to be exactly the same address (P.O. Box) as a school that closed in 1990; thus, a quick Google search might lead a person to believe that the questionnaire comes from a valid, operating school.

In any case, anyone brave enough to proffer his or her phone number in order to determine who these people are and what their game is (I have enough diploma mills calling me already, thank you) wins $5 in chips from the Atlantic City -- or Council Bluffs, Iowa -- casino of your choice. ;)

PublishAmerica "author news" of the week:

Ink Blots is Phillip C. Youngs' first book of poetry. He is hoping that with the book, he will be able to raise awareness of "pondering". The more society tries to make life simple; the less we tend to lose the ability to "ponder". Read Ink Blots; its a good read.

Visit my web page and read a sample of my poetry The Nation Cried was writtent fot 09-11-01 web page is thenationcried.com follow the link "Windows of the heart" to view and purchase my book. Leave a blog while your there.

Life Through the Rearview Mirror was released June 2008. It's a collection of 50 life poems. Poems that will touch your heart. Poems about love, life, hate, death nd all the emotions that we all go through life looking back and wondering what if.

Rebecca, just finished her final pdf and is moving on to the next faze of production. She has set up signing @ Walden in Ashland, Ky, Jesse Stuart foundation in Ashland, Ky, and the Briggs libraries in Lawerence Co Ohio! Who knows, her next big step could even be HOLLYWOOD. We shall see? Congratulations again Rebecca Lesler on the big steps toward your dreams!

... just in case you weren't sure whether or not the "publisher" takes advantage of people who don't understand how and why the publishing industry works.

A few weeks ago I blogged about The National Scholars Honor Society, an apparent "accept everybody" scam that operates just on the right side of legal by offering a handful of scholarships.

College students and parents, take note: A few years ago, a financial aid director at the University of Oklahoma submitted an application for her dog, who was subsequently accepted as a 'National Honors Scholar.'

On May 17th, I received a postcard from something called "The National Scholars Honor Society" inviting me to apply for membership via http://www.magnacumlaude.org. Listen closely and you'll hear the scam sirens:



The fact that they give out a handful of $5000 scholarships is what probably keeps them on the right side of legal, but technical legality doesn't mean it's not a scam (i.e. Poetry.com, PublishAmerica, and blogosphere favorite DirectBuy). Naturally, I decided to apply for membership, since I was "cordially invited," after all.

The online application requested my address and phone number, the name of my college/university (shouldn't they already know that?), my "current scholastic level" (fascinating how the application is identical for undergrads and grad students), and an optional section for "personal information," including "awards, honors, memberships, personal attributes, accomplishments, experiences." It said that the section was optional but would be used for "initial evaluation," so of course, I left it blank.

This morning, I received a -- what do you know? -- letter of acceptance from the National Honor Society! (Incidentally, or perhaps not, I also received a notice that I am being "considered for inclusion" in the Cambridge Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women.) The National Honor Society writes:

It is my honor and privilege to extend congratulations on your acceptance into The National Scholars Honor Society. Our membership of over 90,000 university scholars and students welcomes you.

Hmm, this doesn't sound like an uberselect group, does it?

And naturally, the next step is for me to "complete my membership" with a Visa, Mastercard, or Discover; their "lifetime membership fee" is $85.00.

College students and their parents should be aware that "The National Scholars Honor Society" most likely operates along the same lines as publishing scams: every student is accepted, and every student must pay a membership fee. (Yes, most legitimate honor societies do charge a yearly fee, but they don't send unsolicited application requests and have a much more rigorous application process than an online form that asks for your name, address, email, and the name of your school.) I'd warn students and parents to avoid any unsolicited invitations to join honors societies or be listed in a directory, and of course, to be wary of "scholarship search services" that charge exorbitant fees merely to do what you could do with Google and a printer.

Whenever I read about someone buying into publishing or multilevel marketing scams or the like, my first question is how could (s)he not have known? With the plethora of information out there on *this very Internet* about such scams, a simple Google search could have allowed him or her to avoid a bad decision. But it may be more complicated: this is merely speculation based on personal experience, but I wonder if the problem is not that many of us ignore the information, but that we simply don't seek out the information in the first place.

In 2002, several family members (including one who does very good work in a field that is based in real medicine but unfortunately also saturated with alternative theories of medicine) recommended that I visit a chiropractor. Months earlier, I'd had two operations on my jaw after I'd contracted a rare jaw infection (apparently so rare that it was the diagnosis on an episode of House ;)); after the procedures and some other fun stuff, I developed tingling and numbness around my jaw, and bad pain in my left shoulder and neck. As a first-year master's degree student who was still kind of into Wicca (yes, please feel free to beat me up in the schoolyard after class), I was uncomfortable with the neurologist who electrocuted me (ok, a bit of an exaggeration), stuck a giant needle in my arm and twisted it around (really, but it's an actual nerve test) and suggested I have steroids injected into my head (ok, so I may be remembering that slightly wrong). I didn't like taking painkillers and muscle relaxers, because I am -- as my father has aptly described me -- the world's worst junkie, where everything makes me drowsy and nonfunctional. So I saw the chiropractor as a valid alternative.

I remember one day after my first two weeks of seeing the chiropractor (three adjustments a week were recommended at first!), I was sitting in Shakespeare and Gender class -- it was summer and we were all reading Twelfth Night in tank tops and shorts -- I felt an excruciating pain in my shoulder. In my mind, I didn't connect the pain to the chiropractic treatments, but simply believed it was pain that was already there, and that the chiropractic treatments would soon heal it.

Indeed, weeks later, I did start to feel better. Today, I can chalk this up to (1) the placebo effect and (2) the fact that my brain was finally starting to tell my body that the area around my jaw wasn't injured anymore, but at the time, I assumed it was because of the chiropractor, and continued to visit the chiropractor for years, thinking my monthly visits to his office were allowing me to "maintain" my condition. As I think back on it now, I did have quite a few days where I had pain, and yet never once connected it to the possibility that chiropractic care is based on a theory of imaginary subluxations in the spine.

Late last month, I visited my general practitioner because of unusually bad neck and shoulder pain (I try to avoid the meds, but was a week away from a 12-hour train ride to Toronto) and he pointed out, following a nerve test, that I most likely still had pinched nerves, despite various chiropractic claims. I told the nurse performing the test about my chiropractor visits (and about the fact that my student insurance won't allow neurologist visits), and she said, quite rightly as I realize now, that having your spine moved back and forth for six years *can't* be too good for you.

I find it fascinating that there is (and has been for years) plenty of information out there about research that shows that chiropractic is only beneficial as a form of physical therapy for lower back pain, it to a large degree disregards important components of the germ theory of medicine, and quite frighteningly, that neck adjustments can cause stroke. Though I've spent an average of two hours a day on the Internet since 1996, I somehow managed to never encounter this widely available information. I wasn't ignoring what was right in front of me; I simply was (perhaps somehow by choice) not encountering what should have been right in front of me.

Please accept my apologies for breaking the No Blogging About Pain Law of the Internet (which I made up just now, but it's an excellent law). It's interesting, though, that people -- myself included -- can miss the obvious when the obvious challenges their favorite placebos or scams.

Victoria Strauss over at the Writer Beware blog writes on a rather creepy vanity publishing program that's overtly targeting teenagers. While other publishing scams have been targeting young adults for some time now, this one is downright wacky (and somewhat frightening).

Earlier this week, a student excitedly told me that his friend knew of "a place where you could get your book published for free." PublishAmerica seems to prey on teenagers and young adults because, as people who likely don't know how the publishing business works, they're easy targets. They (and often their parents) don't understand how it can still be a scam if they put no money down and are listed on Amazon. I don't fault the victims here, though I advise everyone to research the publishing industry before signing a contract.

A handful of examples of unsalable (except to family and friends) books by teenagers that PA has published in recent years:

- 3/12/08: a 257-page sci-fi novel written by a high school senior; retails for $21.95.

- 3/1/08: a 405-page fantasy novel by a sixteen-year-old author. According to the article, "Unlike many writers, Gamble believes in rewriting. She spent about eight months on "Regenero.""

- 6/3/07: Sci-fi novel by a fifteen-year-old author. The book, described in the young man's local newspaper as a "novel," is 56 pages long.

- 7/13/06: 18-year old author, 195-page novel, back cover copy begins, "Kaneka Veratu thought her life was normal. She thought she knew her family. She thought she knew the truth. She was wrong."

- 4/5/06: a 150-page novel by a high school senior. The book retails for $19.95, and the back cover copy begins "Everything changes; life revolves around change. It's not like one day you wake up and you're married with a kid. I mean, there has to be something major in between. I guess that's what it was-something that passed the time. Adolescence-that's the time in between."

- 10/20/05: Sixteen year-old author of a 59-page murder mystery for preteens holds a book signing at (I know you may not be able to access the full articles from where you are, but I promise I'm not making this up) Chick-Fil-A.

- 5/30/05: Seventeen-year-old high school senior publishes 160-page novel. According to the article, "Brianna’s father only stepped in to help negotiate the contract with PublishAmerica. In her deal, Brianna is guaranteed a percentage of her book sales. That percentage increases if a certain number are sold." So ... what's 'negotiable' there? Were they initially not going to offer her royalties?

- 11/2/03: Fourteen-year-old writes a book about "a teenage elf who saves the world." PA published his second book in late 2005.

And a brief, slightly related aside: squib, via PixieStix, reports on what could be the most unintentionally hilarious yet uncannily socially insightful vanity-press published children's book ever.

I'm not a writer but was semi-scammed by one of these pay-to-print organizations when I was a teenager and thought I was a writer (drippy as I was, I at least knew not to invest my own money in marketing). Therefore, I'd like to bring the following news item to your attention:

Watchdog site Preditors and Editors is being sued for libel by scam-tacular "publisher" PublishAmerica's lawyer.

Though the suit will likely prove costly (P&E is seeking donations to help them defend their own practices, which are incredibly helpful to young and newbie writers), it is certainly worth for P&E to allow PublishAmerica to drag them into court, because it would give P&E's side a right to discovery, and perhaps once and for all expose PublishAmerica's business practices for what they are.

So, if the announcements in your local paper from (often very young or very old) "published authors" excited about their $1 advances gets to you, or if the announcements here break your heart a little while you're snickering at them, I'd suggest donating to P&E's defense fund.

PublishAmerica's website (which I'm not going to link to) makes for some great procrastinating on a Saturday afternoon when one should be composing next semester's syllabi, preparing for a capstone oral exam, reading Renaissance "theatre wars" pamphlets, and/or reading books about the phenomenology of theatre.

I don't intend to ridicule PA 'published authors' with the excerpts below; I just want to use them to point out how ridiculous their "publish anything" model is, and how they take advantage of young and inexperienced aspiring writers.

(For the uninitiated, Miss Snark offers a nice outline of PA's 'business model.')

So as I began my procrastination-fest through the site, I first came across the following on the "Author News" page:

Upon "ORIGINAL" release of his historically accurate-short western fiction novel, ISBN No. **********, the author purchased 75 copies of his own, in-which many relatives,friends, and business associates, have come to the forefront. Yet now, especially with the Holiday-Season he is finding himself turning allot of people away and towards P.A. and as well the many fine book-stores. The reason for this is so they can order the revised copy which sells for the same price.The general consensus according to three notable historical societies is, 'For the history and mystery slueths alike, Coping With In-Laws And outlaws is an interestingly good read.'

Dude. If you have to buy 75 copies of your own book, something's rotten in the state of Denmark. Ten points (payable in chips from the Atlantic City casino of your choice) to anyone who can point out everything that's wrong with this blurb, not including the grammar.

Unfortunately, a search for "Shakespeare" didn't turn up anything too hilarious. There was, however, a novelization of the sonnets: Shakespeare's in love with Mary Wriothesley, Southampton's mom, and when she cheats on him, he apparently berates her with lots of word-order-reversals, thees, thous, arts, and cansts.

Then there's the book in the "Philosophy" section with the following (rather straightforward, no?) description:

Twelve-year-old boy meets Life and loses his innocence.

I'll let that one speak for itself.

Most icky are those book descriptions that remind me of my own juvenilia:

Eva is a happy college student. She enjoys her classes, loves her friends, and enjoys an active social life at Montgomery University. A self-proclaimed “serial monogamist,” she hops from one boyfriend to another, never taking anything too seriously. That is, until she meets Peter, a law student who manages to turn her world upside down. Debut author Melissa Brown takes us into the college experience of Eva and her two best friends, McKenna and Grace, as they sort through all of the frogs in their lives, each hoping to find her prince. Will Peter be the right one for Eva? Or is he just a frog in disguise? As these three friends search for attention and love, they end up learning a lot about themselves: what they are capable of, and what they truly want from their lives.

Here, PA has apparently "acquired" a totally unmarketable book, because as the person who finally convinced me to stop writing fiction once told me, nobody wants to read a book about a group of friends to whom not much happens. Chick lit books, love 'em or hate 'em, have plots and plot twists.

According to legend, there were four women who founded the religion of Wicca long ago. Each of them hid her secret, and when the time came they called upon their respective elements to keep that secret. Today, there are four teenage girls who are descended from those women. Paiva Cerron could never have imagined that her mother was a Wiccan, and that she was the last of the Fireflint line, but now she must. Now there are evil witches being sent to kill her to keep the four girls from uniting to put an end to Marguerite, the Queen of all evil witches. If they cannot stop Marguerite, then the world will be plunged into darkness, and the line of Wiccans will end. Paiva must do what she has to in order to save her race. She is not just any Wiccan, but the Wiccan.

The fact that Wicca is not an ancient religion and was in fact developed (possibly out of ancient British stuff and handed-down traditions, but also out of some faulty anthropology and what we'd today call History Channel history) in the 1950s suggests to me that the above novel was inspired not by, say, Gerald Gardner, but by the TV series Charmed.

For anyone still considering publishing with any "publisher" whose website is directed not at readers, but at 'new authors', please see 101 Reasons To Stop Writing.

I should unprocrastinate right now and get back to phenomenology, but I also want to take advantage of what could be my last MLA-free Christmas break for a while (unless I get a job without a completed dissertation in hand, in which case you'll want to be sure to carry an umbrella at all times due to the less-thought-about complications of swarms of flying pigs).