Primrose Road

I received an email from Amazon.com saying that they needed me to update my tax information for my Associates account so that they could pay me what I'd earned last year. Since I don't sell books through my site (if I link to something on Amazon here, I'm not earning money from it), I automatically figured it was just another instance of phishing.

Later, when I was on Amazon's website, I saw the same message. So, I logged in to see if there had indeed been a mixup.

Apparently some years ago I had an astrology website called "Star Gazing." Do I remember this? No. Is it highly plausible that I had an astrology website? Absolutely.

I tried the Internet Archive to search for remnants of the site, but to no avail (though the site address does include a screenname I used around eight years ago, so it's definitely mine all the way). Which is why I'm baffled as to how someone was able to click through a link on a nonexistent page.

In any case, I'm 54 cents richer now.

The best part of this: the book purchased was Astronomy for Dummies.

Timmy the Energy Bear.

Timmy is a furry stuffed bear who wears a big bow and a "Towelling Pocket Handkerchief" on which children can place a drop of their favorite essential oils. Timmy is "recommended" for children with asthma, breathing problems, allergies, or hay fever.

Uh, anybody who has had childhood asthma, has had a child with asthma, or has read The Velveteen Rabbit knows that kids with asthma and bad dust/mold/mildew allergies shouldn't keep stuffed animals in their bedrooms or sleep with them.

For additional allergy relief, they also sell ear candles, which scare the crap out of me and anyone who doesn't like the idea of his or her hair bursting into flames.

Fighting a Brecht-and-Deleuze-induced headache, I took two Advil and went to the Chinese restaurant up the block to get some chicken fried rice. While waiting fifteen minutes for my rice, I paged through a copy of The Learning Annex's latest catalog, noting every seminar led by someone with the letters "Ph.D." after his or her name.

On a related note, can we please grind up the Law of Attraction, bake it in a pie, and serve it to its mother for dinner?

Of the six "Ph.D."s in the catalog, two are legit. One woman teaches Law of Attraction-style thinking, but she has a dissertation listed in Dissertation Abstracts International. Another, despite being endorsed by Oprah, has a Ph.D. from an Ivy League school, with a dissertation on a non-woo topic. The other four (I'm being nice and not including names):

1) A Ph.D. in "energy medicine." Two biographies online tell us where he's taught, but not where he obtained his degree.

2) A Ph.D. candidate at an unaccredited distance education school of "esoteric and hypnotherapy studies." According to her bio, she attended one accredited university, though it doesn't say anything about her having graduated or earned a degree. The second institution listed does not appear to exist anywhere outside of the woman's own biography.

3) A "former psychology professor" who doesn't tell us where she formerly professed. She also isn't forthcoming on where she earned her Ph.D. in Educational Psychology, which would explain why there are no hits on her very distinctive name in Dissertation Abstracts International.

4) A "metaphysicist" who calls herself "Dr. ______ ________, Ph.D.," though her site mentions nothing about her having earned a degree. There are zero hits on her name in Dissertation Abstracts International.

Word of advice: people with accredited, legitimate advanced degrees tend to be forthcoming about where they earned those degrees.

Last week, I ordered some Vanilla Rooibos tea (which I became addicted to thanks to The Coffee House in Lincoln, Nebraska). My 40 bags o'tea -- plus samples of other flavors like raspberry and honey -- were just delivered to my door. Amusingly (or maybe laughably), the package included a two-page, double-sided handout detailing the health benefits -- not evaluated by the FDA and not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any diseases! -- of Rooibos tea, including:

* Reducing the risk of tooth decay;
* "Extraordinary anti-allergenic properties which inhibit the release of histamines on exposure to allergens, so reducing the symptoms of hay fever";
* Lowering blood pressure and serving "anti-thrombotic" functions;
* Treating the symptoms of "colic, diverticulitis, diarrhea, vomiting, indigestion, and irritable bowel syndrome";
* Easing pain from prostate inflammation and ovarian cysts;
* "A well trusted remedy for many skin conditions ... such as eczema, acne, psoriasis and [diaper] rash";
* Relieving itchy scalp.

The package also includes a brochure for Rooibos-based skin products, including a "regenerating tissue oil." Excellent.